something in her mind calls back the feelings from the week before - the anger that she wore like a second skin when she was connected to Akechi - and she wonders if this is what that meant. she thinks about what she learned about stefano and actually reassess, reevaluates - maybe she understands better than she wants to admit, what it's like to believe in someone only for them to be...
and yet.
she startles at the same time he does, and when he falls, she reaches out to try to catch him - ]
Goro!
[and somehow she still manages to sound more concerned in the moment than mad, even though her hands are shaking]
[She catches him, quick enough to grab his arm if nothing else. In return, Akechi stares at her with an expression of complete and utter incomprehension. Like a deer in the headlights, if that deer was trying to decide between shoving at her or running the fuck out.
... In the end, he yanks his arm out of her grasp, putting a good two feet of distance between them while looking at her. He seems... wary now, searching her face for something. Disgust, maybe. Perhaps even fear. But he remains silent, waiting for her to show a proper reaction.]
she lets him pull his arm away, too stunned still and almost too shaky to hold on. instead there's distance between them now and she looks at him with - confusion, more than disgust. there's almost something pleading in her eyes, desperate to understand.]
because she only looks all the more confused at that - ]
... because I do not know....
[she lets her fingers rest over her heart, becoming aware of their trembling before she tries to hold onto her own hands to get them to stop. to take the life of another person, to feel those things so strongly....]
I do not know why you feel the way you do. Почему? I do not know why you hurt him... and maybe it is not right but...
[but!]
Are you okay? Who made you so angry?
[and how does she have a long conversation with them about why they did that to goro]
[Hilariously? Her confusion grows, and so does his own.]
You watched me kill him, and you're worried about me? That's... [???] What the hell is wrong with you?
[He's... so baffled. He looks baffled, staring at her like he's waiting for the punchline. What the actual fuck. Still, he doesn't sound angry. He just sounds upset and confused.]
... Oh, I get it. [Rationalizing it, with a bitter huff of laughter.] You expect me to say that I regret it. That someone made me do it? That won't happen. That man got exactly what he deserved.
[ . . . maybe there is something wrong with her - and that thought settles in. because again, a violent memory. again, she doesn't understand it. again, she knows that if she was living her normal life, her producer would tell her not to associate with people like this.
but he's not here, and it's just anya, and what she wants is - ]
... Рассуждая? What did he do?
I want to know... I want to hear from you. Do not want to have to guess, or to not know.
He stares at her for a moment longer, waiting for her to change her mind. But she doesn't. And Akechi scoffs as he drops his hands to his side, staring down at her as he speaks.]
It's a eat or be eaten world, Anya. [Placidly, almost condescending.] That man paid very, very well to have me take out his rivals and competitors. And once he became a liability, someone else decided he had to be taken out of the picture. Isn't it ironic?
[she sure is still wrestling with this information - and that shows on her face more than any particular judgment, or disgust - like she's still processing. processing.]
... Because you need money? Or you believe you are doing right thing?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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she doesn't understand.
something in her mind calls back the feelings from the week before - the anger that she wore like a second skin when she was connected to Akechi - and she wonders if this is what that meant. she thinks about what she learned about stefano and actually reassess, reevaluates - maybe she understands better than she wants to admit, what it's like to believe in someone only for them to be...
and yet.
she startles at the same time he does, and when he falls, she reaches out to try to catch him - ]
Goro!
[and somehow she still manages to sound more concerned in the moment than mad, even though her hands are shaking]
no subject
... In the end, he yanks his arm out of her grasp, putting a good two feet of distance between them while looking at her. He seems... wary now, searching her face for something. Disgust, maybe. Perhaps even fear. But he remains silent, waiting for her to show a proper reaction.]
no subject
she lets him pull his arm away, too stunned still and almost too shaky to hold on. instead there's distance between them now and she looks at him with - confusion, more than disgust. there's almost something pleading in her eyes, desperate to understand.]
.... Goro....
[again, softer this time, worried]
... What happened?
:knife:
[Quietly, voice even but tinged with disbelief. He holds his arm against his chest, as his other hand touches where she had grasped him.]
Why ask when you already know?
[He's waiting for it. The disgust. The hate...]
wow??
because she only looks all the more confused at that - ]
... because I do not know....
[she lets her fingers rest over her heart, becoming aware of their trembling before she tries to hold onto her own hands to get them to stop. to take the life of another person, to feel those things so strongly....]
I do not know why you feel the way you do. Почему? I do not know why you hurt him... and maybe it is not right but...
[but!]
Are you okay? Who made you so angry?
[and how does she have a long conversation with them about why they did that to goro]
no subject
You watched me kill him, and you're worried about me? That's... [???] What the hell is wrong with you?
[He's... so baffled. He looks baffled, staring at her like he's waiting for the punchline. What the actual fuck. Still, he doesn't sound angry. He just sounds upset and confused.]
... Oh, I get it. [Rationalizing it, with a bitter huff of laughter.] You expect me to say that I regret it. That someone made me do it? That won't happen. That man got exactly what he deserved.
no subject
but he's not here, and it's just anya, and what she wants is - ]
... Рассуждая? What did he do?
I want to know... I want to hear from you. Do not want to have to guess, or to not know.
no subject
What a joke...
He stares at her for a moment longer, waiting for her to change her mind. But she doesn't. And Akechi scoffs as he drops his hands to his side, staring down at her as he speaks.]
It's a eat or be eaten world, Anya. [Placidly, almost condescending.] That man paid very, very well to have me take out his rivals and competitors. And once he became a liability, someone else decided he had to be taken out of the picture. Isn't it ironic?
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Goro is убийца? Hired to kill?
[she sure is still wrestling with this information - and that shows on her face more than any particular judgment, or disgust - like she's still processing. processing.]
... Because you need money? Or you believe you are doing right thing?
[is it desperation or idealism? both?]
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But Anya will never find out about that. Instead, he shakes his head.]
Neither. It's simply a job that I do well. [He tilts his head, watching her carefully.] Well? You must be disappointed. What will you do now?
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... Try to understand, even if it is hard.
[it's simple, but all she has are her simple words, that she hopes express her feelings.]
Разреженный. I think there is still much I do not know but... do you think I will hate you? Is that why you are being cold?